wants and needs.

wishes and dreams.

life is not as joyous as i imagined it was going to be as a young boy.

yet i can’t imagine life being as abysmal and grim as some pessimists claim.

life is much more factual at this point.

but does it have to be?

i suppose it ain’t a fairy tale.

but why so pensive and sober?

why not lighthearted and cordial?

at the same time,

keep in mind this is no recreational activity.

what i’m getting at is;

primordial desires beckon for this race to survive.

so if you decide to answer these animalistic calls,

try your hardest not to be an asshole while doing so.

what was i talking about again…?

what do i want?

what do i need?

John O'Callaghan

funny how lackluster it can feel

until I soak my shirt in gin and wipe the blood from my nose

someone fix me

or at least come get me

hand me the tape

i will put it back together

not better than before

however, still better

someone fix me

or at least come get me

hand me the screws

i will screw it all properly

not newer than new,

but new nonetheless

funny how the bad taste in my mouth

only lasts until i forget to remember

how it feels to feel this way

John O'Callaghan

start trying.

i’ve been trying to tell you there is no finish line,

i’ve been trying to tell you the possibilities are plentiful,

i’ve been trying to tell you there are only discoveries,

i’ve been trying to tell you this is an ocean,

i’ve been trying to tell you i’m fighting for you,

i’ve been trying to tell you how sweet it tastes,

i’ve been trying to tell you “there are no fucking dead ends,”

i’ve been trying to tell you i’ll pick you up,

i’ve been trying to tell you i’ll fix your tie,

start trying.

John O'Callaghan

only lonely & fucked up.

i don’t understand how it works,

every single one is “in love”

every single one i know is empty.

it usually ends the same,

recycled excuses, recycled lines.

not sure of my wants,

certain of my don’t-wants.

only lonely & fucked up.

seems all i’ll ever be.

tired, wired and companionless

like an outdated toy.

it’s exhausting you know…

even just the thought of the chase,

and my preordained end result.

so i’ll wait on my love to fall from the sky

like a warm summer rain.

she’d gently cover me in all her bounty and grace

she’d calm my worries and kiss my face

take what i have and make it better.

it sounds sweet in draft,

it sound Utopian.

yet still,

here i am

only lonely & fucked up.

John O'Callaghan

who was i then?

who am i now?

where was i headed?

where am i heading?

i am the never-ending quest.

i am the ongoing question.

must i parade around,

or elegantly misinform?

from now on i will attempt to show you exactly who i begin to believe i am.

another one who thinks they are, but aren’t by far.

John O'Callaghan

tunnels in the sand

i love the chase.

weak knees,

butterflies,

dizzy head.

sweet

feverish,

innocent,

playground chase.

nothing but that face inside of your face.

no one but someone, and someone alone.

pounding

heart,

heavy

breath,

infinite

smile.

i haven’t ran in a while,

but i will chase you if you want me to

John O'Callaghan

sometimes i enjoy being comfortable

sometimes i enjoy being happy

sometimes i even enjoy being proud of myself

it feels good to feel alright

and it’s quite alright if you feel alright

but

beware of complacency

and

steer clear of idle hands.

John O'Callaghan

“You will be the only you to ever live on this planet, so don’t be afraid to be yourself. Fuck what people think about you, take advantage of being unique. Stay true to who you really are and begin to take responsibility for yourself. At the end of the day, we are nothing but our own experiences and memories and the only dreams that matter are the ones you have when you’re awake. Be thankful for what you have and where you’re at. Some aren’t so fortunate, some people have real problems, so don’t stress, it always could be worse.

And this is real life. The way you can deal with those situations is by making decisions, and you either do or you don’t want to be involved with them. I know it’s way more complicated then that, but that’s the step you need to take. It’s the time spent contemplating which is the hardest. Perfection cannot be reached, because nothing’s perfect, but things can change, and so can people.

Time here is short. Fuck what you know, or think you know, and just be and give yourself some credit for the work you put in with your own two hands, but remember to never forget the people and things that have helped you along the way. Surround yourself with the people you love, and well, if they don’t love you, then they really aren’t your friends.

You only have one chance to live in this spec we call life, so stay the fuck in school, and say fucking no to drugs. Tomorrow, smile at a perfect stranger. Don’t forget how lucky we are to be alive, take advantage of every day. There is life in every breath you take, and there is hope with every move you make, and every single mistake you think you’ve made should make you feel alive. Remember there might not be a tomorrow.

Skies are blue and I’m alive. So all is well.”

- John Cornelius O’Callaghan V